Long time no speak

Ive been away for a while, Ive wanted to post but I've had a few tests and lab reports to worry about so I haven't had much time.

I dont have that much to say, once during work I had thought up some things to write about because I dislike my job lol (understatement) and now I've forgotten what I even wanted to say, and then last week after I had two tests in one day I went and got a facial, I couldn't relax so I couldn't enjoy it properly and then I just felt depressed and sad and idk numb as I was walking around the city. I feel like that at work too, but is that just indulging this depression? Idk, I don't really understand it. Im supposed to be a med-sci student so I know scientifically whats going on in my brain but these feelings -like WHY? it doesn't make sense.

I haven't been able to concentrate so much so my grades have slipped a little bit, right now I'm only getting B's instead of A's. But I can't concentrate! I study for maybe two hours and my brain is like 'omg give me a break already!!!!!'

I used to read a lot, last summer I read 30 books maybe and it really helped with this depression, but then I also wanted to get better, so it was books and my will against this depression, but now its depression against me, because I can't concentrate on books properly -I don't get out of them what I did during the summer- and I'm tired of fighting, I am, why do I need to fight? I don't want to just give up but why do I need to fight? I don't want these thoughts consuming me and overcoming me, but I'm so alone! I have no one to talk to about this, no one understands, I don't even understand or wouldn't know where to start. But my boyfriend he had like a 'different' type of depression, if there is even a different type, idk I guess depression is really personalised and effects everyone differently. But I can't talk to him because he doesn't know what to say (who would though right?)
its just hard, because I feel alone, but if he were reading this he'd probably come and hug me and make me feel not alone, thats the reaction I would want, but I think he would tell me 'you can't let this destroy you, everything you've worked so hard for' I know he means well and I know what he's saying is true, but its not what I need because I know it already, but I just need a hug to know that I'm not alone.